My Husband Retired and I Hate It
Hi, I’m Susan, and I have a confession to make: my husband, Mark, retired six months ago, and I hate it. Don’t get me wrong, I love Mark. We’ve been married for 30 wonderful (mostly) years. But ever since he hung up his briefcase, our home has turned into a war zone of clashing expectations, disrupted routines, and a battle for survival (mine).
The Chaos of Retirement: A Wife’s Perspective
Let me paint a picture of my new life. Before retirement, Mark was a busy man, working long hours as an accountant. I had the house to myself during the day—my sacred time to catch up on chores, binge true-crime shows, and sip coffee in blissful silence. Then Mark retired, and everything changed.
1. The Routine Wrecking Ball
Mark’s idea of retirement is waking up at 7:00 AM to reorganize the pantry. My idea of a morning is sipping coffee quietly while listening to birds chirp. Now, the only chirping I hear is Mark muttering about "inefficient spice arrangements."
2. Too Much Togetherness
I love my husband, but I didn’t sign up to be his full-time companion. I miss the days when absence made the heart grow fonder. Now absence only happens when he goes to the garage to "tinker" with tools he doesn't know how to use.
3. Dashed Dreams
Before he retired, we planned to travel the world. So far, Mark has traveled as far as the couch, where he watches reruns of detective shows, loudly solving cases five minutes in.
4. Financial Anxiety
Mark's new hobby is questioning every purchase I make. “Do we really need organic bananas?” he asks. “Yes, Mark, because they’re the only joy I have left.”
5. Identity Crisis Central
Mark used to be a sharp, confident man. Now he’s spiraling into existential despair because “nobody needs me anymore.” It’s hard to argue when he spends two hours deciding which hat to wear.
6. The Cling Factor
Mark thinks retirement means we should do everything together. Groceries? Together. Dentist appointments? Together. Ladies’ book club? Guess who showed up with "snacks for the gals."
7. Different Retirement Visions
I imagined lazy afternoons by the pool. Mark imagined fixing the pool pump himself, which led to three flooded afternoons and a hefty repair bill.
8. Micromanaging the Household
“Why do we load the dishwasher that way?” he asks. Listen, Mark, the dishwasher has been loaded this way for 30 years. Back off.
9. Social Life Smother
I miss my girls’ nights. Now Mark tags along, saying he "wants to bond with my friends." They’re nice to him, but we all miss venting about our husbands.
10. Health Paranoia
Mark has developed a new obsession with his health. He’s tracking his steps, heart rate, and sleep patterns—and he insists I do the same. I don’t need a Fitbit to tell me I’m losing sleep.
11. Old Fights, New Stage
Retirement brought back every unresolved fight. Now we argue over who forgot the milk in 1996.
12. Prestige Panic
Mark keeps dropping his old job title into casual conversation, as if the cashier at Target needs to know he was a CPA.
13. Fear of the Unknown
Retirement is like jumping into the abyss for Mark. Unfortunately, he dragged me in, too. He’s always questioning, “What’s next for us?” Maybe therapy, Mark.
14. Energy Level Mismatch
Mark has the energy of a caffeinated squirrel, while I just want to read my book. He wants to build a birdhouse. Guess who ends up holding the nails.
How I’m Coping (and You Can, Too)
After a few meltdowns (mine), we’ve started working on solutions:
- Set Boundaries: I told Mark I need "me time," and he respects it (mostly).
- Encourage Hobbies: Mark joined a woodworking class. His birdhouses still look like disasters, but at least they’re not in my living room.
- Communicate Honestly: I’ve learned to tell Mark what I need without snapping. Sometimes.
- Plan Together: We compromise on shared activities, like hiking, which he loves, and wine tasting, which I love.
- Seek Professional Advice: Couples counseling is helping us navigate this new phase without (completely) killing each other.
Conclusion
Retirement isn’t easy, but we’re figuring it out—one birdhouse and bickering match at a time. If your spouse recently retired and you’re losing your mind, remember: you’re not alone. With humor, communication, and maybe some time apart, you’ll survive. Probably.